Archive for the Personal Thoughts Category

Time Flies – When Do I Have Fun?

Posted in Family, Mental Health, Personal Thoughts on November 13, 2018 by Neal

Wow I am really bad at keeping up with things. I mean it’s almost the end of 2018 (almost mid November) and I have posted nothing since the beginning of the year.

Shall I roll out the usual excuses? Been busy. Job changes taking up time. Work hours eating into my life. Too tired. Moved house. Raising children. Looking after animals. Helping family. Missing people. Wasting time sleeping. Relaxing while gaming. Wondering why I have no time or money. Spending money on lotto (No luck there damnit). Watching movies. Wondering why I wasted time watching movies. I can go on but I figure everyone gets the point.

Anyway not making any promises but will try and post more interesting stuff in the future. 👍


2/52 – Procrastination

Posted in Personal Thoughts, The World with tags on January 26, 2018 by Neal

Yeah I have a bad habit of procrastination. I’ll write more about this later 😝

1/52 – Marriage

Posted in Family, Mental Health, Personal Thoughts, Year of 52 with tags , on January 7, 2018 by Neal

On January 3rd 1998, this incredible woman said “I do”.

For some, being married for 2 years is considered a milestone of epic proportions, especially given the current divorce rates of the world. Being married for 20 years can be seen by some as freaky, unnatural and amazing.

It’s cliche I know but Mandy and I have known each other since high school. Our final senior year she set her sights on me and for the first 6 months of the year I was totally oblivious to her many attempts and hints at catching my eye. Yes I was a little slow on the uptake but that’s just who I was at the time. When I surprised her on her birthday with jewellery and flowers I think she was relieved that I finally got the right idea. I’m not going to say everything was perfect from the first day. Being an introvert I kept a lot of my thoughts to myself and that caused various conversations of raised voices and tears from both sides in the beginning. Not to mention the typical ridicule and torment that comes from teenage friends as well.

Recently one of the young ladies I work with asked me for advise on relationships. She’s having issues with her partner and since I’ve got a successful marriage, what was my secret…. Gee talk about putting someone on the spot. It got me thinking and lost at the same time. After all we have had enough ups and downs in our marriage to create the world’s most extreme roller coaster. The only real advise I could give her was that being in a relationship is a seesaw of give and take. Sometimes you will be the one leading and making all the decisions, other times you will be the follower and just doing what you have to keep the peace.

The two of us have been far from typical in our relationship. We’ve fought about family, finances, children, friends, pets, possessions, professions and holidays. Given each other gifts and surprises ranging from large to small. After all I did buy her a Ferrari for her 20th birthday, she just never specified what size she wanted. There have been some downs thrown at us by the world that have stretched our commitment together but we worked out ways around the problem and grew from the experience.

Many, many years ago during one of our seemingly all too frequent discussions, Mandy gave a response to something I said that took years for me to understand. This was during an extremely low point in our marriage and things could have swung either way from that point on. I had commented how I felt taken for granted and that she didn’t need me at all in her life. Her response “You’re right I don’t need you in my life. I can look after myself. I can handle the finances. I can care of the kids. I can do what ever I want so I don’t need you in my life. What I do want is for you to be a part of my life.” Now keep in mind, for some guys we don’t see a distinct difference in certain words, they tend to have the same definitions. So you can imagine how hurt I felt at the time being told I wasn’t needed in her life. It took me many months of self discussion and reflection to finally realise what she had meant. We don’t need each other in our lives. A need implies that something is required for each of us to live. Sure we need food to live but not hugs or kisses. We need a house to keep us warm in winter but not hugs or snuggles. We need to breathe but don’t require words of adoration to keep living. My view of needing Mandy in my life wasn’t accurate as I could still live without her. I wanted her in my life which had more meaning to it than needing her.

Writing this I can’t help but think of all the cliches that people tend to write about their partner. They go on in flowery prose about how amazing that person is and that they are the embodiment of perfection. Seriously some stuff is so sweet it would cause you to gain 50 kilos and diabetes from reading it. How many times has someone complained about their partner’s negative qualities? Could you imagine the Hallmark share price if they changed their cards to using the truth instead of flattery?

This has morphed into something totally not what I had in mind. I was going to use a heap of comparisons and examples about our life together. Instead I’ll leave everyone with this bit of personal wisdom that may make a bit of sense to some.

A successful marriage is based on wants and not needs. You marry someone you want to spend your life with, you do things together because you want to support the other and help them succeed, you want them in your life to bring joy and laughter to it but also work through each other’s problems to become better.

Mandy, it has been a long road with lots of holes and detours so far but I’m sure that the longer we travel together the easier it will be for us to find smoother paths in our journey.

Let’s Try a New 52 in 2018

Posted in Personal Thoughts, The World, Work with tags , on January 7, 2018 by Neal

No this has nothing to do with The DC universe. It’s been a while since I wrote anything and there are a few reasons for that which I’ll elaborate on in a moment. 2017 has flown by and it’s now 2018. I won’t bother going on about new year resolutions or goals because that is just too cliche for my liking.

My absence has mostly been in part due to work commitments. I no longer have time to ponder the deeper sides of existence in my new job. I’ve stepped out of petrol and gone into the supermarket side of life. While my previous position gave me a lot of flexibility in what I did, my new role as nightfill support has me working graveyard shifts (9pm till 6am) 5 days a week. There is very little down time as we strive to get stock items from pallets to shelves before the store opens in the morning.

My aim for the year is to do at least 1 post a week for 52 weeks. This is in theory an easy goal but I would like to do more than that each week. I’ll post a range of things but the main focus will be on things that make me who I am. Movies, music, games, people and events that all have contributed to the person I am today. It will probably be a little dry at times but as with anything unless we exercise muscles they don’t improve and my hope is to improve my mind again and take back some of the creative spark I have lost over the years.

As always if people want to comment, add their own ideas or spread the unusual words of wisdom I have then please by all means do so.

Confused About American Politics

Posted in Parenting, Personal Thoughts, Politics, The World with tags , , , , on May 18, 2017 by Neal

I’m not looking to start a flame war or fight but I’m confused by American politics at the moment. Now I know a lot of people weren’t expecting Donald Trump to win the presidential election, so it was a bit of a surprise to many I’m sure. He had some very controversial policies and views during the campaign which caused serious concerns amonst not only Americans but the world at large. A lot of hype comes from the media and assorted action groups on social media so you need to be cautious of what you read. After all “fake news” or “alternative facts” seem rampant these days. 

What has me stumped is the complete lack of respect for President Trump. Sure a President or Prime Minister cops a certain amount of flak and disrespect from various people and groups during their time in office. Comes with the job. Yet things started before Trump’s inauguration. Sure some will say that President Trump has not earned the respect of the people because of his actions but are they basing that on the man or the position? From what I’ve seen the position of President of the United States carries a certain amount of automatic respect with it. You may not agree with governement policies or actions but you pushed that aside for a moment when it came to the president. The best example I’ve seen of a backlash for presidential-disrespect, was when the Dixie Chicks made this comment during a concert in 2003

“Just so you know, we’re on the good side with y’all. We do not want this war, this violence, and we’re ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas” 

The backlash they got for that was extreme. They had boycotts, sponsorship losses and a long list of threats against them as well. Bit excessive for expressing an opinion. Perhaps views on freedom of expression and speech have changed over the last 15 years?  I know social media makes it easier to get your word out into the world. 

As I said I’m a little confused by all this but perhaps it’s just my views that make it confusing for me. President Trump has a style and approach that none have ever seen in a president so perhaps that is changing the political and social landscape of the world. Just some ponderings for consideration. 

Batman – Nuff Said

Posted in Cosplay, DC Universe, Family, Mental Health, Personal Thoughts on April 28, 2017 by Neal

Depression 1001 : Work 0

Posted in Anxiety, Burnout, Coping Mechanisms, Depression, Family, Mental Health, Personal Thoughts, Reasoning, Self Doubt, The World, Work on April 28, 2017 by Neal

The last 2 months have been very strained for myself personally. Complications with work, family and myself have seen my attention to details and life in general slip. I didn’t think things were affecting me as much as they apparently were, guess that’s the old depression mind trick for you.

I’ve been trying to transfer stores so that I can be closer to home and also get a change of pace. The store I currently work in has its challenges but they tend to be the same things over and over each week. Plus being here for 2 years has started to make me a little shop blind to some obvious issues. But it would seem that my depression has finally started impacting my work. 

My first unsuccessful request was turned down due to a lack of self confidence in managing staff issues. I’m probably a bit too soft at times when it comes to staff problems. Being more assertive and knowledgable in company procedures would likely improve that aspect of myself. On top of making sure my self confidence was on the up I can see myself improving in that area for sure.

The big eye opener I had recently came in the form of a site visit by both area and state manager. The feedback I got was a real slap in the face. Several months ago the things they pulled me up on never existed. Yet despite all the effort I put into maintaining the store I had totally overlooked or dismissed the importance of some things. I could have come up with a wide range of excuses but that would have been passing the buck and not taking ownership of my own mistakes. I spent that evening mulling things over a lot as I came to realise my standards in the store had slipped, more that I had considered possible for myself.

Suffice to say this did not sit well when I tried another transfer request. I knew after the visit the chances of transfer were very slim. After all the past doesn’t count when looking at current standards. Top it off with a rather bad business audit a few months earlier and I totally get their concerns. 

So now I’ve laid out a new battle map on the table. Depression and anxiety may have me cornered but that isn’t going to stop me from fighting. I’m slowly taking back the Self-doubt pass and the Family plains are being reclaimed a bit each day. The daunting task of assaulting Mount Work has begun. I’ll break down the fortifications and reclaim my ability to work without distraction. 

This is one of the many fights ahead that I plan on winning.