Burnout And Not The Fun Kind

Since about September I’ve been finding myself in a very low state. No energy, always tired and just wanting to ignore the world. Naturally I figured my depression had swung back to beat me up again on one of its regular visits. With that in mind I followed all my usual methods for dealing with it. Watched videos, went to bed early, did some prop and costume building, spent time with the family, all stuff I do to push past the down feeling when it takes hold. But things didn’t help, I was still feeling down for no real reason. Wasn’t sad, angry or upset. Just felt off for no real reason. 

With the Xmas chaos now out of the way it was suggested I go see someone and do another mental health check. It had been over 2 years since I did one and it was probably a good idea to see if things had changed. So I do the test and the results don’t surprise me much. I’m in a good state mentally with my coping abilities. The medication must be helping maintain the balance. Yet if all is ok, why am I so down and unexcited about things? 

Burnout. I was hoping for something a little more dramatic. After all how could I be suffering from burnout when I start work at 5am, finish at 1pm, I’m on call 24/7, haven’t had an assistant manager for several months until just before Xmas, have staff injured and unable to cover their shifts, cover shifts for sick staff, help take care of family and animals, play taxi, cook dinners, help with chores around the house, spend time with family…..I don’t have time to be burnt out. 

The interesting thing is that both my depression and burnout have almost identical symptoms and end results. While I can’t reduce the impact my day to day has on me it helps to know that it’s not always my depression causing problems. My next challenge is to find a way to identify what is burnout and what is depression when it comes to my moods. With our recent move into a new house I’m hoping to set up what I call the “Fortress of Get Away From Everyone and the World” in the huge double door shed out the back. Couldn’t call it the Fortress of Solitude since Superman already has that trademarked. It’s fully powered and once I plough my way through all our stuff and tidy things up I’m hoping to make a space capable of more work on my cosplay ideas. Being able to make a mess that’s not inside the house will definitely be an advantage. With a bit of time I’m hoping this will give me the down time I need to cut my burnout down and keep it managed. 

Time will tell. 

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