Archive for January 13, 2017

What an Epiphany  

Posted in Anxiety, Coping Mechanisms, Depression, Personal Thoughts, Reasoning, Self Doubt on January 13, 2017 by Neal

I work as the site manager of a petrol station. Yeah I already know how funny some might see it that an introvert like myself works retail. Apparently I’m good at dealing with people on a work based relationship, terrible any other time. The trick I found is staying mentally motivated to get through the day, a little tricky when some treat you worse than muck on their shoes. What do I do you wonder. I make puns and jokes with my staff and customers. Most of these are word play or dad jokes but they tend to make customers smile and laugh which helps the day go just that little bit faster. 

Example 1. Older lady came in to the store and asked if we had ice? My response was “I’ve got some methamphetamine….oh you mean the water kind”. It took her a moment to register what I said then her face went from shock to laughter when she realised the connection.

Example 2. Customer comes in and says their pump number as “I’m 8” and I’ll respond with something like “Wow you don’t look a day over 7”. 

Yeah bad jokes I know but while I was pondering things this morning during a quiet spell I realised I have always used humour as a way to handle social situations. In high school I was always making bad puns and comments, sometimes quickly followed by an apology for not thinking before I spoke. I’m a big kid at heart. I enjoy computer games, toys, cartoons, being a fool at times and in the right situations I talk like there’s no tomorrow. I tell bad jokes and puns with the kids, much to their regret. 

The more I think it over the more I over analyse and then it dawned on me. This is one of my subconscious coping mechanisms. A kind of ‘fake it till you make it’ response to things. It also acts as a bit of a depression level reading for myself as well. When I feel down I don’t joke around and the level of mirth I muster can be obviously a lot lower than usual. 

Keep in my this is all in my head so it could be true if I just have way too many thoughts rolling around in here making a jumble of things. But for now I’ll do my shepherd impersonation and get the flock out of here. Later 🙂   

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Happy Jason Day

Posted in Movies, Personal Thoughts on January 13, 2017 by Neal

Figured I’d make a meme for day and enjoy some movies tonight when I finish work.

Sorry I’m Always Appologizing 

Posted in Anxiety, Depression, Personal Thoughts, Self Doubt on January 13, 2017 by Neal

I have a very bad habit that is constantly reenforced by my depression and anxiety. I say sorry for just about everything, even if I had no part in it. “Sorry I forgot to get milk. Sorry dinner doesn’t taste great (my own worse critic anyway when it comes to cooking). Sorry the global price of oil is down. Sorry you had a bad day.”  As you can see I’d also apologise for not having exciting blog posts. It drives my wife to distraction at times that I say sorry so much, yet there is a reason for my actions.

Anxiety has a lovely way of lowering my perception of my own self worth. I spend so much time internally dissecting myself that I can’t tell what is my responsibility and what is the anxiety. This results in my apology for all sorts of things, however it isn’t just a case of me saying sorry because I feel it’s my fault. There is also a level of sypmathy mixed in my apology as I offer uncertain support for the issue. Uncertain because the depression says ‘why bother doing anything’ while the anxiety says ‘you doomed us all’ and my own personality says ‘hey I feel for things’. Can be a very confusing mix at times.